Jared Can Suck It

I wasn’t going to do this today, but…

I hate Subway. Officially, and without remorse, and here’s why.
I am at heart a cheapskate, and also I do not eat fast food (for the most part) except for Subway. I also don’t drink soda or eat chips (partly as a result of my cheapness). The Subway daily specials (Wednesday: Turkey, Thursday: BMT) for 2.93 were, for what it is, the highlight of my lunch week. Until the one day a few weeks back I went in and was told it was no longer possible to get a sub for 2.93--now they only have the daily special with chips I don’t eat and soda I don’t drink for 3.99--I can no longer just buy the sub for 3 bucks and then go home and drink my beer to wash it down. Strike one.

I live in Baltimore, where Subway has made a surge, seeming to triple in the last several years. You can walk outside and literally find a Subway anywhere you go. Which is fine, but honestly, the food there isn’t THAT GOOD. And up until they took away the daily special, it used to be cheap. But now--it’s overpriced, sucky, and ubiquitous. Strike two.

And last night, I went to Subway with my girlfriend, armed with coupons that were supposed to allow us a free sub with the purchase of another sub. Only the Subway wouldn’t take them. They said “we don’t take those coupons.” I said “You mean these coupons? The ones that say ‘Subway’ on them?” I was pissed. Strike 3.

Bonus strikes: you know that fucking gross pastrami ads you see on TV? Didn’t even have pastrami at this stupid fucking Subway (yes, yes, these complaints are less about the corporation and more about the individual Subway, but fuck it you’ve read this far, right?). And the whole “Eat Fresh” thing? Please. They are not slicing the meat right in front of you, they leave chicken in a tub of water all day, the only thing fresh is the bread; they are a glorified McDonalds and it pisses me off that they have ever tried to sell themselves as anything else.

Chinese lunch--that’s my new play for cheap lunch. General Tso, rice, soda I can give to my girlfriend, and home for a cold beer, same price as that crappy Subway “Value” Meal.

Jared Can Suck It.

www.daveygandthekeyboard.com