Kyle, and why VEIP sucks.

Kyle, My hard-luck little car.

This is an update on the status of Kyle, my 1992 Honda Civic VTEC, and why I really hate the Maryland Vehicle Emissions Inspection Program (VEIP).

My car has been unable to pass the VEIP, which is a test that all cars in Maryland have to take every two years to help reduce carbon monoxide and hydrocarbons, thereby helping to control pollution. In theory, I am totally in favor of this. But in practice, it is a seriously messed up system, and here is why.

As some readers may remember, my car had a problem last year where my door did not shut, and therefore I had to hold it shut with a rope and then climb out the passenger’s side door. Because of this, I asked for an extension on my emissions test, as it requires the testers to get in and out of the car. I had three more months to put off taking this test while I tried to figure out the problem. Then, in what I referred to as the Christmas Miracle, Kyle was fixed, and I was overjoyed to finally be able to enter and exit my car like a real person. I immediately took him to the emissions facility…and failed, and was given another three month extension.

One of the ways to get a waiver for this test is if you can show you have spent at least $450 in emissions-related repairs. I took him to my mechanic, and he pretty much said that he’d have a really hard time working up that kind of a bill for me to get a waiver, and furthermore, some older cars just cannot pass this test. And furthermore than that, the VEIP level of $450 is not cumulative. In other words, you can’t drop $200, fail, and then spend another $250 and count it as $450 and get a waiver--you have to spend that much before the test. I decided it would be better to just wait until the three months were almost up and then give Kyle a tune-up and see if that would help.

I waited the three months, got the tune-up (this tune-up would cost about $220)
and went to the emissions place…and failed again. Now what? I wondered.

Question: What happens when your car keeps failing the emissions test?

Answer: Nothing.

Nothing happens. They gave me an inspection certificate with a new due date on it, one month from that date. I went into the office and I asked them, “What happens if my car keeps failing?”
“You keep coming back,” was the answer. And you keep paying $14 every time. And now I have come back and failed the emissions test every month since April. I now have a stack of papers from every failed test, and now I come to my point about why VEIP sucks:
My car, which according to their test which is designed to curb pollution, fails that test every month. According to their test, my car pollutes beyond a reasonable degree. But the only consequence is that I just have to keep coming back and giving them money every month, so that I am complying with the law. I had grave fears that failing emissions meant that I had to take my car off the road or something, but apparently that fear was unfounded. The state of Maryland apparently doesn’t actually care whether my car pollutes or not--they just want me to keep paying $14 a month to stay out of trouble.

What a fucking toothless law. Never mind the fact that my car averages less than 6000 miles a year, that the trip to the emissions place constitutes the most driving I do all month. (I ride my bike everywhere, I walk all the time and my car is mostly for errands or get my equipment to shows, so if anyone is going to accuse me of being “part of the problem” of climate change, they need to calm down.)

It is actually cheaper for me to go ahead and pay the $14 every month than it would be to actually fix my car (and believe me, while I love Kyle, he is 15 years old and I am not putting any more serious money into him).

So to review: My car, while running great, is not passing the VEIP test; the VEIP program is toothless and silly.

Not that I am unhappy that no one’s taking my car off the road or anything, but every month I do this silly pain in the ass trip to the emissions place and every month I fail and every month I give the state of Maryland $14 to keep my “polluting” car on the road.
How does this help the environment?

Davey “The polluter” G.
www.daveygandthekeyboard.com